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Election Day Derby – Let’s go to the races…

Here we are at the latest running of the Election Derby.
See electoral competitors trot around a one-mile dirt track. While these riders are seasoned, not all of the horses in this contest have raced before — which means there’s gonna be some racing excitement.

They’re at the gate.

And they’re off and pacing onto the main track. It’s Andrew Russo on Cabbage Patch, a yearling with European roots; we hear the horse is from France. Directly to his left is Dave Valesky on a mule named Sal.

Sal has fooled many a harness racing fan with his quick feet (quick for being a mule). He has a fabled ancestry with his great- great- great grandfather being the mule of Erie Canal fame.

On the same track in the New York Assembly race is Rick Guy riding Tami-Fay, challenging Bill Magnarelli on Mortiticia a horse who’s seen better days but has always come through at the end.

And on the far outside is Anne Marie Buerkle riding Tea Bag, with Dan Maffei on Hippa the health care mascot.

With the wet and early fall, the track conditions are muddy.

As they round the first turn it’s Sal and Cabbage Patch neck and neck. They nick the rail as they make a tight first turn.

Not far behind is Rick Guy ridding Tami-Fay “come on Tami-Fay you can do it” he whispers into the horses ear. Next to him on the left is Bill Magnarelli on Mortiticia the sleek, black statuesque animal sports a grey goatee.

This seems to be one of those horse races that you can’t handicap, you just don’t know how they’ll fare at the voting booth… er, um, the finish line.

From nowhere, here comes Anne Marie Buerkle on Tea Bag giving Dan Maffei and Hippa the race of their live.

But wait, if you look closely at Buerkle’s horse you see that he isn’t real, this is one of the horses from the Carousel at the mall! On the bottom are little wheels propelled by tiny jets. Tea Bag is the coolest horse on the track (but he’s not really a horse).

The horses are stacking up as they near the halfway mark. Neck and neck by electoral battle, the first race to be decided is the contest is between Rick Guy riding Tami-Fay and Bill Magnarelli on Mortiticia.

It looks like Bill Magnarelli is first at the gate. But wait, there’s a problem — apparently at the finish line Mortitica dropped dead and Magnarelli’s still beating him.

A review of the photo finish shows Tami-Fay has been edged out by a nose, with results this tight the race for Magnarelli’s Assembly seat will have to wait for the absentee ballots to determine the final outcome.

October 11,2010

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